Friday, August 27, 2010

The Goodness of God

Last weekend I spent a lot of time thinking about one of the issues I have with God at the moment, which has really made me question His goodness.

It started last November when I read this verse in Psalm 121:

“The Lord will keep you from all harm -- he will watch over your life.” (Psalm 121:7 NIV)

In light of some of the things that have happened in my life, the first thought that crossed my mind when I read that verse -- and which I shared with my pastor -- was “what a load of crap!” (Again, my goal here is to be completely transparent with you, so that was my honest reaction. Gratefully, my pastor is not judgmental!)

I can’t tell you how angry that verse made me! And while my pastor explained to me that I needed to put it into context (i.e. remember who the Psalms were written for, and what was taking place in the world at that point in time), it still really made me mad. It also made me really start questioning not only the goodness of God, but if “He” was “the God” I wanted to follow and the One in Whom I wanted to believe. As a result of all my questioning, I completely lost my ability to trust Him.

Can I be honest with you? Even though I’ve believed in God since childhood, during the past 10 months, as I’ve gotten a clearer picture of what has taken place in my life, I’m still not in a place where I’m ready to trust Him 100%. The good news is that none of this comes as a surprise to Him, as He knows my thoughts before I think them, and my words before I say them. ☺

I wish I could tell you that I don’t challenge God to “prove” Himself to me, but that would be a lie. Instead, for the last couple of weeks, I have literally asked Him to reveal Himself -- and His goodness -- to me every single day. And while He has faithfully done so, even now I still cannot yet worship Him as He deserves. However, I am hopeful that one day in the not-too-distant-future I will be able to do so once again!

Have a blessed weekend ...

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