The Lonely Place of Solitude

“That evening at sundown they brought to him all who were sick or oppressed by demons. And the whole city was gathered together at the door. And he healed many who were sick with various diseases, and cast out many demons. And he would not permit the demons to speak, because they knew him. And rising very early in the morning, while it was still dark, he departed and went out to a desolate place, and there he prayed.” (Mark 1:32-35 ESV)

During my time as a Hollywood agent, I worked with another agent who had an extremely gifted daughter. This young lady (now a young woman in college) was one of those kids who was good at everything she tried, and as a result was involved in activity, after activity, after activity. She sang in the choir, played in the orchestra, was on the soccer team, got straight A’s, and basically (in my opinion) had no childhood, at all.

Please note that with regard to that last statement, it’s just my opinion. She may have loved being so busy and active that both she and her parents were on the go from morning till night. Granted, I’m not a parent. But when I see something like that I often wonder how they do it!

How do you have a quality life when you’re constantly on the go? How do you have a quality relationship with your kids when they’re involved in everything under the sun? How do you have intimacy with your spouse when you’re running your kids everywhere? And, even more importantly, how do you have a quality relationship with God that’s more than just “ten minutes here and there," whenever it's convenient to fit Him into your life? Truth be told, I’m worn out just thinking about it! Of course, that may be because I’m still exhausted at the moment.

This morning I read a book entitled Out of Solitude by Henri Nouwen, and I want to share some of his writings that really resonated with me:

“I have the sense that the secret of Jesus’ ministry is hidden in that lonely place where he went to pray, early in the morning, long before dawn …

In the lonely place Jesus finds the courage to follow God’s will and not his own; to speak God’s words and not his own; to do God’s work and not his own …

It is in the lonely place, where Jesus enters into intimacy with the Father, that his ministry is born.”

One of the things I’ve learned is that “busyness” is often nothing more than a way to avoid pain. Whether it’s used to avoid the reality that I hate my job; I’m in an unhealthy relationship that needs to end or things in my life just aren’t working and I need to make some changes (been there, done that, on all three accounts!), it is far easier to keep myself busy than to face the things I need to deal with head-on!

And because there is so much pain in this world, and because God never promised us an easy road, it’s no wonder that we fill our lives with so much “stuff,” and so many activities, that we often don’t know whether we’re coming or going! (Again, I know whereof I speak ...)

Then, just when we think we’ve got it all under control, it all comes crashing down around us and we’re forced to pay attention! Or, we’re forced to take a break in order to spend time in solitude with the One Who knows us better than we know ourselves:

“You made my whole being; you formed me in my mother’s body … All the days planned for me were written in your book before I was one day old.” (Psalm 139:13,16 NCV)

My prayer for today is that I will find intimacy with Christ, as I rest in the loneliness of solitude. May it be yours, as well.
✞

A Microwave Society

The other day during a conversation with one of the pastors at my church, he made the comment that we are a “microwave society,” meaning that we want everything quickly and easily. That is so true!

As I spent some time thinking about the depth of truth that lies in his comment, I will readily admit that based on all of the growing pains I’ve been going through over the last 10 months, I’m ready to be done! I want out of all the pain, anguish and sadness I've been experiencing because, quite simply, I'm exhausted! You see sitting in this place of pain, and allowing myself to actually feel it, takes an enormous amount of energy. More energy than I believe I have at the moment.

Of course, this is probably the perfect time to call upon the words of Matthew 11:28 (NIV): "Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest,” but I keep wondering how I’m supposed to do that when I literally don’t feel like I have any time at all in which I can take a break and “rest!”

One of my favorite new authors is a gentleman named Henri Nouwen, and I just started reading his book, "The Inner Voice of Love."

Based on where I am at the moment, and after reading his introduction to the book, I knew it was something I wanted to dive into headfirst, as here is part of what he writes:

“This book is my secret journal. It was written during the most difficult period of my life, from December 1987 to June 1988. That was a time of extreme anguish, during which I wondered whether I would be able to hold onto my life. Everything came crashing down -- my self-esteem, my energy to live and work, my sense of being loved, my hope for healing, my trust in God ... everything. Here I was, a writer about the spiritual life, known as someone who loves God and gives hope to people, flat on the ground and in total darkness.

What had happened? I had come face to face with my own nothingness. It was as if all that had given my life meaning was pulled away and I could see nothing in front of me but a bottomless abyss.

The strange thing was that this happened shortly after I had found my true home. After many years of life in universities, where I never felt fully at home, I had become a member of L'Arche, a community of men and women with mental disabilities. I had been received with open arms, given all the attention and affection I could ever hope for, and offered a safe loving place to grow spiritually as well as emotionally. Everything seemed ideal. But precisely at that time I fell apart -- as if I needed a safe place to hit bottom!

All of this was triggered by the sudden interruption of a friendship ... But this deeply satisfying friendship became the road to my anguish, because soon I discovered that the enormous space that had been opened for me could not be filled by the one who had opened it ...

Intellectually I knew that no human friendship could fulfill the deepest longing of my heart. I knew that only God could give me what I desired. I knew that I had been set on a road where nobody could walk with me but Jesus. But all this knowledge didn't help me in my pain.”

While I don’t know about you, I can relate to everything he shared about his own struggle. In fact, the one comment he made that really hit home with me was that his world came crashing down after he had found his "true home;" that he seemed to need “a safe place to hit bottom.” I can totally relate to that idea because that's exactly how I feel about living in Montana; like I've finally found the place where I belong -- a "safe haven" in which I can heal mentally, physically and emotionally.

Additionally, I can relate to the fact that he also experienced a "trigger" which sent him into his abyss (which is also what sent me into my own spiritual crisis), and that he knew the only thing that could fill the hole in his heart was Christ, which is exactly how I feel and something I mentioned to my pastor.

They say “when the student is ready, the teacher will appear,” and that’s exactly how I’m feeling these days as God is slowly starting to reveal Himself to me once again, and for that I am truly grateful!
✞