Sunday, August 4, 2013

When God Says "No!"

There is nothing more difficult than watching God say "No" to a prayer, even as it is being prayed. Yet, that is exactly what God chose to do with my prayer during our corporate worship service this morning!

With hope in hand, I decided to try to attend church again today. And, things were really good when I first arrived! My breathing remained normal and the dizziness stayed away.

Unfortunately, I could feel things quickly start to change within about 10 minutes, and as they did I began crying out to the Lord to please, please stop everything that was happening so I could stay and be part of the service. And He chose to say . . .

So once again, I had to leave the sanctuary and go lay on a couch in order to catch my breath, before I could leaving the building.

O Father, why? Why are You allowing me to continually get sick at church and have to leave? It's CHURCH! It's being part of the body of Christ! You say you have "plans to give me hope and a future," but I just don't understand what that means. It doesn't make any sense, and it hurts so, so much.

I have spent a great deal of time meditating on the lyrics from the Plumb song, Need You Now.  Over and over and over again, I keep praying the refrain of this song ...

How many times have you heard me cry out
"God please take this?"
How many times have you given me strength to
Just keep breathing?
Oh, I need You,
God I need You now.

Yesterday I read this verse in Psalm 123:

Behold, as the eyes of servants look to the hand of their master,
As the eyes of a maid to the hand of her mistress,
So our eyes look to the Lord our God,
Until He is gracious to us.
~ Psalm 123:2

O Father, please be gracious to me now . . .

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