Waiting on God

Leave it to God to state the obvious!

Let me explain . . .

Years ago, as I was wrestling with my faith and trying to figure out exactly what I believed about God, let alone whether or not I actually believed in Him, I was speaking with a friend of mine who shared with me that he had had a similar trial. 

He then went on to explain to me that as he struggled through his own situation he came to the realization that he had two choices: he could either pursue God or he could pursue self . . .


. . . HE COULD NOT. DO. BOTH.




At the time, I didn't really understand exactly what he meant by pursue God or pursue self. And, even though I was so angry at God that I had absolutely no interest in reading His Word, I decided to do so anyway and started reading through the book of Psalms because I considered them "pretty harmless!"

And here's what happened . . .

 

The more I read His Word, the hungrier I became for it (even though I was still struggling with my belief in Him).

As a result . . .

Through my faithfulness, the more I continued to read my Bible, the more God started revealing His Word to me . . . and I actually started UNDERSTANDING WHAT I WAS READING!


Now, just to give you a better idea of how I previously "read" Scripture, there were times when I would say, "Okay, Lord, I'm going to open my Bible and point to a passage of Scripture, and ask You to show me what you want to say to me today."

And then I would do exactly that: I would open my Bible, turn a few random pages until I "felt" like I was on the page God wanted me to be on; close my eyes; point to a Bible verse and read it to myself.

And it would say . . . 

. . . AND JOB WENT TO THE BATHROOM.

Okay, it really didn't say that but I am willing to bet you know exactly what I'm talking about! :)

Which brings us to today's reading and today's "light bulb moment" . . .

I wait for the Lord,

My soul does wait,

And in His word do I hope.

~ Psalm 130: 5

Ummm . . . Can I be honest with you? I think I have been fooling myself over this whole health situation, because as I read that verse I realized one very important fact: I have NOT been waiting on God over this situation . . . AT ALL! See, here's the real scoop:

While this is what waiting on the Lord should look like . . .

This would be a more honest representation of my situation . . .

The good news is that I finally understand the pursue God vs. pursue self concept, and, as a result, I have spent a great deal of time in prayer about this situation with my health. I have prayed that God would help me to love Him more; I have prayed that He would be glorified in this situation no matter how it turns out; BUT . . . actually waiting on Him? Yeah, I don't think so!

My doctor said it would probably take about two years before I would start to feel better. I was expecting to feel better after two days. Then two weeks. Now I have had my sights set on feeling better after two months (August 28th). But, two years? Oh, just shoot me now!

As I stated in my opening sentence of this blog . . . Leave it to God to state the obvious . . . especially through His Word!

Yet those who wait for the Lord
Will gain new strength;
They will mount up with wings like eagles,
They will run and not get tired,
They will walk and not become weary.
~ Isaiah 40:31

Sounds like a good plan, doesn't it?

If so, then perhaps you and I can learn how to wait together!
✞

Be Still My Soul

Be still, my soul: the Lord is on thy side.
Bear patiently the cross of grief or pain.
Leave to thy God to order and provide;
In every change, He faithful will remain.
Be still, my soul: thy best, thy heavenly Friend
Through thorny ways leads to a joyful end.
~ von Schlegel

Usually I am not a big fan of the "old" hymns because they never seem to speak to me.  But God, in His infinite wisdom, grace and sovereignty, led our worship pastor to include this one in our service on Sunday morning.

What a blessing it was to read these words and to speak the truth of them to my heart -- especially as I work through this situation with my health.

Honestly, I have shed many tears over the last three weeks and especially last week, after receiving the final round of test results. But, I also know this truth ...

Weeping may last through the night, but joy comes with the morning.
~ Psalm 30:5 (NLT)

That does not mean that I am not still scared of what lies ahead. But yesterday afternoon God was also gracious enough to allow me to cross paths with a fellow believer from my church who has also struggled with her own extremely serious health issues. And as she prayed for me she asked God to give me the ability to be content in my moments of suffering, knowing that I am exactly where He wants me to be.

Although I have been praying that God would be glorified in my situation, I had forgotten to ask Him to help me be content. Such an important reminder from the Apostle Paul:

In any and every circumstance I have learned the secret of being filled and going hungry, both of having abundance and suffering need.
~ Philippians 4:12

So that is my prayer tonight: that right now, in this very moment, God will help me be content in my circumstances, knowing that joy will come in the morning. Maybe not tomorrow morning. Maybe not even the morning after that! But ...

Joy. Will. Come.
✞

Can I Pout Now?

Can I let you in on a little secret? I just realized that when it comes to my relationship with God, I am really a little brat sometimes ... and I had absolutely no idea!

In fact, it wasn't until this morning, while reading a book entitled Healing the Past God's Way, that I realized just how I often expect God to do things my way and to see things from my infinitesimally small point of view! O, Father, please forgive me!

Here is the excerpt from the book which so poignantly woke me up to this fact (at least for today):

We are inundated with conversations and lessons about our rights as citizens, as human beings ... But here is the thing, when I stand before God, I have no rights. I have no authority to demand that He act or behave in any manner that is contrary to His own. God doesn't answer to me.

Darn it all, anyway! 

You would think I'd be a littler quicker on the uptake, thinking I could tell God how my life should go, considering in His Word He (basically) already gave me a heads-up about the fact that nothing I tell Him is a surprise!

O, Lord, you have searched me and you know me.
You know when I sit and when I rise; you perceive my thoughts from afar.
You discern my going out and my lying down; you are familiar with all my ways.
Before a word is on my tongue you know it completely, O Lord.
~ Psalm 139:1-4

Hello??? Wake up, Sharon ... He's already on to you! But apparently you're a little slow to catch on, because more often than not, this is the verse that seems to better describe you:

In his heart a man plans his course,
but the Lord determines his steps.
~ Proverbs 16:9

I am sure there are many, many days when God sits on His throne in Heaven and just laughs and laughs and laughs, as I go about making my little plans and expecting Him to oblige my every whim and desire. Silly girl! If I was paying closer attention, I would remember these words ...

For my thoughts are not your thoughts,
neither are your ways my ways ...
~ Psalm 55:8

And these, as well:

Our God is in Heaven;
He does whatever He pleases.
~ Psalm 115:3 

So as I head into tomorrow, here is what I hope I can remember (also from Healing the Past God's Way):

Embracing in word and in deed, God's ownership over all the earth, including me, brings me to a place of balance in my relationship with God. God owns; I use that which He lends to me ... God plans; I live out those plans in circumstances, in consequences for my sin, in His eternal design ... God acts and gives and allows and chooses and when I understand His sovereignty, I stop swimming up stream and work with Him to accomplish His good purposes.

Amen, Lord. Amen ...

✞