Not My Own

Isn't it funny how, when you choose to honestly surrender your life to God, asking Him to do whatever He wills, He always takes you up on your offer?

That being said, what I was not expecting to discover in doing so (after two blood draws last month involving 100+ different blood panels) is the fact that I truly am in a life and death struggle ... for my own life! Yet, if I believe what I say I believe, the truth of the matter is this: my life is not my own! It belongs to my Heavenly Father to do with as He chooses.

But I do not account my life of any value nor as precious to myself, if only I may finish my course and the ministry that I received from the Lord Jesus, to testify to the gospel of the grace of God.
~ Acts 20:24

So as I process the truth of my situation, I only have one prayer: that I will do the things the doctors have told me I must do for myself, to improve my health (Lord willing), while leaving the final  results up to Him -- even if they do not turn out the way I want them to in the end.
✞ 

Called to Suffer

For to you it has been granted for Christ's sake, 
Not only to believe in Him, 
But also to suffer for His sake.
~ Phil. 1:29

I came across this verse of Scripture during my quiet time Thursday morning and thought to myself, "there it is ... in black and white ... Paul's statement that while we (as believers) have been given the gift of believing in Christ (for salvation), we have also been called to suffer for His sake."

About an hour after reading that verse, I was in the middle of something when I started experiencing the kind of pain I used to experience when I was young, and all of a sudden I got a very clear understanding of how that pain was brought about. Wow! I was not expecting that. And while that sudden insight did not give me any clue as to who the perpetrator(s) were who caused me that kind of pain, I now understood exactly why I was always in pain and why I always had so many bladder infections as a kid.

Truth be told, I also realized that it really didn't matter who did it, because it was not going to change anything. The abuse I suffered happened because our sovereign God allowed it to happen. It was His choice, not mine.

Later that the morning I stopped by my church as I was really needing the peace, quiet and safety of the church sanctuary to sort out my thoughts about a few things. However, when I started to walk into it, I discovered that it was already in use by one of our choir groups, so I went and sat in the "kiss and cry" room, instead.

The kiss and cry room is a soundproof room with glass windows, just off the church sanctuary, where parents can take their squirmy or screaming children and comfort them, while still being able to see into the sanctuary and listen to the church service. (In theory, it's a great idea! In practicality, I really do wish our ushers would take a more active role in encouraging people to use it -- but that's just my opinion!)

But, I digress ...

As I sat in the k + c room, watching the worship team having so much fun rehearsing together, the truth of how little joy / happiness / fun I have in my life right now really hit me hard. To some extent, I have been very aware of my lack of happiness since this trial first began in 2009. I would also say that I have been in a fair amount of denial about it, as well! But, it wasn't until Thursday morning that I really allowed that fact to penetrate my "everything is fine" façade and actually let myself feel the pain of that truth.

Once the worship team was finished, I went and sat in the sanctuary itself. As I have said before, it really is a sanctuary for me. So while I'm sure many people on our church staff wonder why I go in there and sit in the dark, I am very grateful that they allow me to do so just the same! And, as I was sitting there, I thought about this verse ...

Weeping may last for the night,
But a shout of joy comes in the morning.
~ Psalm 30:5

And that is when the tears began to flow. Just a few at first, until the flood gates opened and they came pouring out. Massive tears. Gut-wrenching tears. Can't-catch-my-breath sobs.

With tears in my eyes, as I poured out my heart to the Lord, one more thought crossed my mind, which was this: "If I had a friend like me in my life right now, I'd go running in the other direction!"  Thus, it seemed only fitting when I came across this verse yesterday morning:

I have become a reproach,
Especially to my neighbors, 
And an object of dread to my acquaintances;
Those who see me in the street flee from me.
~ Psalm 31:11

Truer words were never spoken! Because this trial has been so deep and has lasted for so long, it occurred to me that I have been such a "Debbie Downer" for so long even I would not want someone like me in my life right now! And I cannot help but wonder if the pastors to whom I've reached out feel the same way? Honestly, I would not blame them if they did!

It was at that moment in time when I truly wished the Lord would just take me home to be with Him. In fact, as I sat in the peace and quiet of the sanctuary, that was my prayer for at least the next 15 minutes. I didn't care if Jesus came back right then, or if my heart stopped working, I just wanted my life here on earth to be over so that I could enjoy the trial-free, tear-free life that awaits me in Heaven. Then this verse came to me ...

For in Him we live and move and have our being.
~ Acts. 17:28

Such a bulls eye of truth! Right now I do live, move, and have [my] being in Christ. I was bought with a price and as a result, I no longer belong to myself, so my life is no longer mine to do with as I please. I belong to Christ. And because of that fact, as long as I have breath in my lungs, I need to get on with the purpose of living my life here on earth!

O Father, help me! Help me to find happiness and joy, as I work through the pain and suffering of the abuse You allowed to take place in my life. Help me understand my purpose for being on this planet. Use my story and help me to be an encouragement to others who have also experienced or are suffering from the trauma of abuse. Help me keep my eyes on You; to find my shelter in You, and to live my life in a way that honors and glorifies You on a daily basis. In Christ's most Holy and Precious Name, that is my prayer to You today ...
✞ 
 
You who have shown me many troubles and distresses will revive me again,
And will bring me up again from the depths of the earth.
May You increase my greatness and turn to comfort me.
~Psalm 71:20-21

Pioneer or Settler

I will never leave thee, nor forsake thee.
~ Heb. 13:5

Good food for thought ...

In one of his books, A.W. Tozer (the great Canadian preacher and author) says, "God works as long as His people live daringly. He ceases when they no longer need His aid."

Are we walking by faith or by sight (2 Corinthians 5:7)? Through reading Tozer's book, I was reminded that whenever God's people were on the move, God moved with them. When they stopped, God also stopped. Remember the great exodus from Egypt into the wilderness? God led the Israelites by a pillar of fire at night and  by a cloud during the day. It's exciting to serve the Lord, but the Lord likes to move with His people as they are walking the walk of faith.  (© Angus Buchan - A Mustard Seed)

What about you? Are you moving forward or standing still? While moving forward in our own walk of faith can often be difficult and scary, God is beside us every step of the way, cheering us on!

✞

The Gift

Today was good ... for a while, anyway! And then slowly, very slowly, the stress and tension returned and I could feel every fiber of my being start to twitch as I headed towards a severe (physical) panic attack. So, I did the only thing I could do ... I jumped into my car and drove over to my church.

Thank God for the sanctuary at my church because it truly has become a sanctuary for me - especially during times like these - and today was no different. I spent 90 minutes there this afternoon, in prayer and communion with God.

Hear the voice of my supplications when I cry to You for help, 
When I lift up my hands toward Your holy sanctuary.
~ Psalm 28:2

One of the things I realized this morning, after reading this verse, is that while I have spent the last five days crying out to the Lord, my cries have been focused on the why and how of my suffering, instead of asking for the Lord's help to get me through each moment. Shame on me!

The sacrifices of God are a broken spirit; 
A broken and contrite heart, O God, You will not despise.
~ Psalm 51:17

Let's face it: physically I am really having a hard time right now. And, while I have reached out to a couple of my pastors and requested their prayers, I have not really reached out to the One I most need to help me get through this pain. Not in the way that I should, at least. O Father, forgive me!

Another thing I realized this morning is that while I have been struggling with this situation, I have also been fighting it. Let me explain:

Years ago my parents were getting ready to board a transatlantic flight. Waiting in the gate area with them was a family of five: mom, dad and three young children, one of whom was throwing a very loud -- and very fierce -- temper tantrum! 

When the mom returned from using the ladies room, my mother struck up a conversation with this young woman and complimented her on how well she was handling the situation, especially because she could see that all of the other people in the waiting area were getting quite annoyed, and my mom could tell that they were really hoping this temper tantrum would end before boarding began. So what was that young woman's response to my mom? 

"I've learned that it begins when it begins and it ends when it ends, and there's nothing I can do until that happens."  

Smart woman!

And, that's exactly what I need to remember: During those moments of stress, anxiety and panic, when my body starts shaking nonstop and I feel myself shutting down, I need to focus on staying present, clinging to the Lord and crying out to Him, knowing that this, too, shall pass -- whenever He chooses to allow it to end.

Every good thing given and every perfect gift is from the Father of lights, 
with whom there is no variation or shifting shadow.
~James 1:17

One of the final revelations I had today came this afternoon while I was in the church sanctuary. It took the entire 90 minutes of being there for the shaking to stop and for me to reach the point where I could catch my breath. Ninety minutes of crying out to God for His comfort, asking Him for His help to stay focused and present in my body, clinging to His strength because I had none of my own.

And that's when I realized it: this entire situation is actually a gift from God. A gift of His choosing. A gift He actually chose for me!

Why? I have NO idea! But obviously, there is something I need to learn from it. And, there is something that He wants to accomplish through it.

Several months ago, I read this quote by Mother Teresa: I know God loves me. I just wish He didn't trust me so much! And that's exactly how I feel!

Right now I'm okay. I am present in my body and I'm okay. How long will it last? I don't know. But I am very grateful for this exact moment in time. And, if, in the moment after this one, things start to get bad, I hope I can remember to cry out to the One Who loves me more than I will ever know; Who chose to give me this gift and Who promises to be with me always. All I need do is ask!

✞

Even If ...

 The heart knows its own bitterness, and a stranger does not share its joy.
~ Proverbs 14:10

I'd be lying if I said the last few days have been easy. They haven't. In fact, I am in the middle of some of the most physically difficult days I've had in quite a long time. 

One of the questions I emailed to my pastor the other day was this: "How can this (my current physical struggle) be God's best for me?" 

His response? "Because some things that are really good in our lives can only be accomplished through difficulty. A diamond and a pencil lead are composed of the same ingredients but a diamond is formed under intense pressure. So, be ready to be a diamond!"

I wish I could say that I believe him. But, as I struggle to get through each moment: to get out of bed; to feel safe enough to take a shower and get dressed; to stay present in my body without curling up in a ball on the floor, I cannot even think about becoming "a diamond."

This morning I heard this song by Kutless and I realized that to a great degree, it is my prayer right now ...

Even If

Sometimes all we have to hold on to
Is what we know is true of who You are
So when the heartache hits like a hurricane
That could never change who You are
And we trust in who You are

Even if the healing doesn’t come
And life falls apart
And dreams are still undone
You are God You are good
Forever faithful One
Even if the healing
Even if the healing doesn’t come

Lord we know Your ways are not our ways
So we set our faith in who You are
Even though You reign high above us
You tenderly love us
We know Your heart
And we rest in who You are

Even if the healing doesn’t come
And life falls apart
And dreams are still undone
You are God You are good
Forever faithful One
Even if the healing
Even if the healing doesn’t come

You’re still the Great and Mighty One
We trust You always
You’re working all things for our good
We’ll sing your praise

Even if the healing doesn’t come
And life falls apart
And dreams are still undone
You are God You are good
Forever faithful One
Even if the healing
Even if the healing doesn’t come

You are God and we will bless You
As the Good and Faithful One
You are God and we will bless You
Even if the healing doesn’t come
Even if the healing doesn’t come

©  Kutless

I wish there was a playbook for recovery from abuse. A book that tells you how long it will take and what to do when x, y and z happens. But there isn't because everyone's journey is different, including mine. 

So while I struggle just to get through the day, shaken to the core of my being, I pray that I can truly ...

Cast [my] burden upon the Lord and He will sustain [me]; 
He will never allow the righteous to be shaken.
~ Psalm 55:22
✞

P.S. Want to hear EVEN IF in its entirety? Listen here!

The Will of God

As I find myself coming to terms with the fact that "recovery" is proving to be far more difficult than "realization," I am really struggling to believe this right now ...

The will of God will never take you, where the grace of God cannot keep you, where the arms of God cannot support you, where the riches of God cannot supply your needs, where the power of God cannot endow you.

The will of God will never take you, where the Spirit of God cannot work through you, where the wisdom of God cannot teach you, where the army of God cannot protect you, where the hands of God cannot mold you.

The will of God will never take you, where the love of God cannot enfold you, where the mercies of God cannot sustain you, where the peace of God cannot calm your fears, where the authority of God cannot overrule for you.

The will of God will never take you, where the comfort of God cannot dry your tears, where the Word of God cannot feed you, where the miracles of God cannot be done for you, where the omnipresence of God cannot find you.
 
– Author Unknown

✞

A Time to Mourn

There is an appointed time for everything. 

And there is a time for every event under heaven –

A time to give birth and a time to die …

~ Ecclesiastes 3:1-2

Our nation sits in shock tonight, after witnessing the horrific murder of 20 sweet little souls in Sandy Hook, Connecticut, this morning.

Twenty children, ages five through nine, went off to grade school this morning with all the excitement and enthusiasm that grade school children have in anticipation of Christmas vacation. Among them was a little boy named Tain: the son of my friend, Sophfronia Scott. Also headed off to that same school this morning was a 20-year old young man with three guns and murder on his mind.

Tain was one of the lucky ones. His life was spared. However, 20 other children were not so lucky, including, quite possibly, the child of one of Sophfronia’s friends. Earlier today that parent had not yet heard their child’s fate.

So tonight the family and friends of those 20 sweet little souls sit in stunned silence, mourning as they try to comprehend that their children (grandchildren, brothers, sisters, nieces, nephews) will not be here to open Christmas presents in 10 days; will never be coming home again.

Instead, the bodies of those children, along with the six other adults who were killed, as well as the perpetrator of those murders, still lay on the floor of the school where they died this morning. Waiting for the crime scene to be processed. Waiting for the coroner to collect them. Waiting for their loved ones to identify them and claim them as their own.

“How can this be God’s plan for me?”

~ Soul Surfer

As I process this quote from the movie Soul Surfer, I will say that I never really thought about my life from that perspective: How could all of the trauma of my past be God’s plan for my life? And how could the murder of 20 innocent children be God’s plan for their lives? For the lives of their siblings? Parents? Grandparents? I wish I knew the answer to that question, but I am afraid that it is a question without answer.

Proverbs 3:5 instructs us to …

Trust in the Lord with all your heart and do not lean on your own understanding.

So much easier said than done in a situation like this. Beyond easier said than done. For some, impossible.

As I listen to the Christmas carols that are playing on my CD player right now, I am absolutely void of feeling. Not because they are not beautiful. Not because they are not an expression of love for God or an expression of joy for the birth of Christ. Rather, I am numb because my heart breaks for all of the families whose lives were forever changed today by the evil act of one individual. An act that we will never understand …

At least not in this lifetime.

O Father in Heaven, Giver and Sustainer of all life, please be near those who hurt and mourn tonight. Comfort them. Strengthen them. Love them. Make Yourself known to them in a way they can comprehend, both now and forevermore.

✞

The Lord gave and the Lord has taken away.

Blessed be the name of the Lord.

~ Job 1:21

I Object!

But our God is in the heavens;

He does whatever He pleases.

~ Psalm 115:3

I have a confession to make: I am not too happy with the current trial that God has allowed to re-enter my life right now! For one thing, I have already been down this road. Three years ago. It was what started my entire struggle with my faith and took me down some of the most painful roads of my life: literally and figuratively. I thought we were done with all of that. Now it appears that “I thought wrong!”

The other day I received a poster in the mail from my mom with this saying on it:

If God brings you to it,

He will see you through it.

Happy moments praise God.

Difficult moments seek God.

Quiet moments worship God.

Painful moments trust God.

Every moment thank God.

~ Anonymous

Regardless of all of those wonderful “words of wisdom,” I do not want to do this again. Truthfully, I do not even know how to do this again. Last time I went through this I had someone with whom to counsel. This time I feel like I am very much on my own … and I am scared.

Not scared to deal with it again, as I am already very clear on what took place! Rather I am scared that the exercises I am being given to help my body heal will not work, because nothing else has thus far. On top of that, the phantom shooting pains have returned. Some mild. Some not so mild. Some strong enough to make me writhe in pain. In any case, they are back: a not so subtle daily reminder of the past.

Of course, the truth of the matter is this: God does not need my permission to bring this trial back into my life. As Psalm 115 states above, He can do whatever He wants, whenever He wants. That is His prerogative. I do not have to like it. I do not even have to agree with it. But unless -- or until -- He chooses to take this trial away, I do have to deal with it and that is where my personal choice comes into play.

I can choose to go through it gracefully, praying that He is glorified through it all. Or, I can choose to go through it kicking and screaming every step of the way, focusing on myself. Either way, the choice is still mine to make.

So can I be honest with you? Right now, I really want to choose the kicking and screaming option!

✞

Seasons of Life

This morning I decided to go to McDonald’s for breakfast because I had a taste for an Egg McMuffin. As I was waiting for my order at the drive-thru window, I noticed a sign inside the cashier’s window informing the cashier that the service time for each customer was to be no more than 10-15 seconds.

“Typical” was the first thought that crossed my mind because we have become a society which does not want to wait for anything. Rather, we expect our lives to be easy and when challenges arise we expect them to be resolved instantly! And, as I drove home in the snow (our first snow-fall of the season, announcing that winter had arrived), the next thought that crossed my mind was “aren’t we lucky that God gives us the winters of our lives so that we can then appreciate the spring times when they arrive!”

“My soul is in anguish, how long, O Lord, how long?”
(Psalm 6:3)

Two years ago (this month), my own “winter” began and, truth be told, there were times when I thought I would never make it through to the other side (i.e. “springtime”). In fact, even as I write this I’m dealing with shooting pains that have no known explanation and no cure, but rather are the residual effects of past trauma (part of my “winter”) and are so excruciating at times that they will actually stop me dead in my tracks.

“So my spirit grows faint within me; my heart within me is dismayed.”
(Psalm 143:4)

The good news is that two weeks ago, after a week of horrible dreams and nightmares, continuous shooting pains, and a brief conversation with my pastor about how to process all of this, I finally had the realization that perhaps I’m the lucky one with these dreams and shooting pains because they serve as a constant reminder that I am completely dependent upon the grace of God (like Paul’s thorn) – otherwise I might be tempted to go it alone! Been there, done that, and it was a complete disaster!

“For the Lord gives wisdom, and from his mouth come knowledge and understanding.”
(Proverbs 2:6)

I wish I could tell you that this period of winter was completely over and that springtime had arrived but that would be a lie. There are still days when the showers are not hot enough and the shooting pains feel like they are too much to bear. However, I cannot trust my feelings. Instead, I must cling to the promises of God’s Word and to the truth of His character, knowing that while I may feel alone and scared, the truth is that He is right here with me, He is in control and He is God!

“For You are great and do wondrous deeds; You alone are God.”
(Psalm 86:10)

Today's Prayer: O, Holy Father, please help us to always remember that no matter what we may feel, the truth of Your Word tells us that You, and You alone, will deliver us from the depths of despair, but only if we seek You with all of our heart, all of our mind and all of our strength, acknowledging that You alone are God! Thank you for loving us too much to allow us to stay the same, no matter how much it may hurt at times!

✞

Trusting God

"Trust is not a passive state of mind. It is a vigorous act of the soul by which we choose to lay hold on the promises of God and cling to them despite the adversity that at times seeks to overwhelm us." (-- Jerry Bridges, Trusting God)

Praying that I will always choose to Trust God, even when I do not understand what He is doing or why! And, praying that you will choose to do the same, as well ...
✞

"May the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace as you trust in him ..."
(Romans 15:13a)

Doing the Hard Thing

Yesterday was tough, and it seemed to become more difficult as the day wore on. By 9:30 pm I was tired, angry and hurt. Very hurt. And yet, by God’s infinite grace, I actually slept well last night (i.e. wasn’t awake the entire night thinking about this situation).

Before I went to bed last night, I spent some time thinking/praying about this whole thing. I also started making some decisions on how to handle it. And while I do not know if they are the correct decisions (that will require much more prayer), and while I know that they are not the best decisions for me and will cause me additional hurt, I do believe that they are decisions that will best protect the other person and their walk with the Lord. (But again, I know it is crucial for me to seek God’s wisdom in all of this, to make sure that it is His plan I am following and not my own.)

“Let no one seek his own good, but the good of his neighbor.” (1 Corinthians 10:24)

Please do not misunderstand me – I am no martyr! However, if I claim to be a child of God then I must follow His instructions! And since the Bible makes it very clear that we are not to cause one another to stumble, that is the last thing I want to do when it comes to my friend and their relationship with God. (And, yes, I do still consider this person a friend!)

“Do not cause anyone to stumble ...” (1 Corinthians 10:32)

So as I move forward down this path, I pray that God will grant me: peace around the decisions I have made on how to handle this situation; patience to leave it in His hands and not try to “fix it” my way – which would only make it worse, and the ability to trust Him completely and accept the outcome – whether I like it or not – knowing that He is in complete control.

From the very beginning of this relationship with my friend, He knew exactly how it would play out, and He also knows exactly how it will end. As ...

~ Friends for a reason

~ Friends for a season

OR

~ Friends for a lifetime

To God be the Glory,
✞

The Cold Shoulder

For someone who is a professional life coach, and who is pursing a master’s degree in biblical counseling, I couldn’t coach – much less counsel – my way out of a paper bag right now! :D

I wasn’t expecting a marriage proposal! But, I wasn’t expecting the cold shoulder, either, which is pretty much what I received from someone today … right after they were as warm as molasses to the person with whom they interacted right before me.

Two of my biggest struggles in life have been trusting God and trusting others. So when a day like today happens, in which someone I have come to trust explicitly pushes me away (and has done so for about 8 months now), and because this has happened a handful of other times in my life with people I have come to completely trust, and who have hurt me so deeply, it becomes very easy for me to retreat and withdraw from the world.

“Praise be to God, who has not rejected my prayer or withheld his love from me!” (Psalm 66:20)

Matthew 18:15-17 talks about the fact that if someone sins against you, you should go and talk to them, which makes me wonder: “what exactly did I do, and how exactly did I sin against them,” to warrant such a cold shoulder? Do I need to go and talk to them? Do they need to come and speak with me?

Truthfully, this whole situation hurts. A great deal. And, honestly, it makes me want to go and worship somewhere else because it would make my life a lot easier and a lot less painful – especially because I know that this person is not going anywhere.

I started this blog to help me learn to trust in “His Sovereign Purpose” in my life on a daily basis. So while I pour out my heart to God about this, I also know that He knows why this is happening, and what the outcome of it will be – for all parties involved.

“For God alone, O my soul, wait in silence, for my hope is from him … Trust in him at all times, O people; pour out your heart before him, God is a refuge for us.” (Psalm 62:5,8)

In the meantime, I hope that I can just let go and trust Him to do what He needs to do – in this situation and in my life – in order to conform me into the image of His Son, no matter how much it hurts. And it really hurts a lot right now!
✞

Today's Verse

"The fear of man brings a snare, but whoever leans on, trusts in, and puts his confidence in the Lord is safe and set on high."
(Proverbs 29:25 Amp)

Lord, please help me to remember this on a daily, if not moment-by-moment, basis!
✞

Food for Thought

I'm working through a Bible study entitled "Discerning the Voice of God," by Priscilla Shirer, and love this thought from today's reading:

"Faith is the channel of living trust that allows us to experience God in our everyday lives. He is looking for someone who believes He is who He says He is and He can do what He says He can do. Go to God expecting to hear His voice, and don't hesitate to move forward in obedience. When you obey, you move from your agenda to His, and God's plan is always greater."

I am so grateful to God for bringing two people into my life who have impacted my walk with Him in ways I can never explain: one who showed me what a relationship with Christ truly looks like, and the other who walked with me and helped me find my way back to Him. I am, and always will be, grateful beyond words ...

"For by wise guidance you can wage your war, and in abundance of counselors there is victory."
(Proverbs 24:6)

Thank You, Lord, for showing me the truth of who You are through the faithfulness of these servants. Please bless each of them, as well as their ministries and their families, and may they continue to choose to be open vessels through which You work, through which Your will is done, and through which Your glory shines!

In Christ's name I pray ...
✞

Thought for Today

Always surprised by how much power the words and actions (or sometimes lack thereof) by others have to cause us pain.

Trusting God to heal my heart in ways that only He can ...
✞

Always Remember

Always remember, when God made you He did so with a purpose and a plan

He saw all your days before you lived one of them and placed over you the covering of His protective love.

He has allowed nothing to come into your life that has not first been screened through that love.

His hand has remained upon you to this very day.

He calls you by name.

You are His beloved child …
The apple of His eye …
The delight of His heart.

Today you are in the exact place He wants you to be, and tomorrow He will be with you as He has always been – in goodness, in kindness, in faithfulness.

~Anonymous
✞

I Will Trust You

It's really been a rough couple of days, and right now this song by Steven Curtis Chapman expresses exactly how I feel:

I Will Trust You

I don't even wanna breathe right now
All I wanna do is close my eyes
But I don't wanna open them again
Until I'm standing on the other side

I don't even wanna be right now
I don't wanna think another thought
And I don't wanna feel this pain I feel
And right now, pain is all I've got

It feels like it's all I've got, but I know it's not
No, I know You're all I've got
And I will trust You, I'll trust You
Trust You, God, I will
Even when I don't understand, even then I will say again
You are my God, and I will trust You

God, I'm longing for the day to come
When this cloudy glass I'm looking through
Is shattered in a million pieces
And finally I can just see You

God, You know I believe it's true
I know I will see You
But until the day I do

I will trust You, trust You
Trust You, God, I will
Even when I don't understand
Even then I will say again

You are my God, and I'll trust You
And with every breath I take
And for every day that breaks
I will trust You
I will trust You
And when nothing is making sense
Even then I will say again

God, I trust You
I will trust You
I know Your heart is good
I know Your love is strong
And I know Your plans for me
Are much better than my own

So I will trust You, trust You
I trust You, God, I do
Even when I can't see the end
And I will trust You
I will trust You, I will
Even when I don't understand
Even then I will say again

I will trust You, I will trust You, I will
I know Your heart is good,
Your love is strong,
Your plans for me are better than my own
Yeah, Your heart is good
Your love is strong
Your plans for me are better than my own
And I trust You
You are my God
And I will trust You

© Steven Curtis Chapman

Trusting Him to help me through this pain...
✞

P.S. If you want to listen to "I Will Trust You," you can do so here!